Parent and Child in Pictures

Sometime, parents and their children don’t see eye to eye on some things. Outlook on life differs, traditions are threatened, and a struggle for dominance replaces nurturing. Such is the stuff of books and movies, and was a common theme in two movies I watched recently.

I didn’t think that a love story set in turn of the century Mexico and the rise, fall and re-emergence of a piano prodigy would have anything in common. But Like Water for Chocolate (Como Agua para Chocolate), based on the novelby Laura Esquivel and Shine, a biopic about pianist David Helfgott, touch on the central characters’ struggle to emerge from under their parents’ heavy hands to establish their own identities and find happiness.

In Like Water, Tita is forbidden by her mother Elena to marry her true love so Tita can take care of Elena in her old age. In Shine, David’s father Peter wants to keep his family together, so when David has an opportunity to study piano abroad, he refuses to allow it.Both parents completely disregard the feelings and needs of their children, and fail to realize the extent of the damage that they do: Peter’s dominance contributes to David’s mental breakdown; Elena’s actions to control Tita eventually destroys the family.

Where there should have been giving, nurturing and encouragement, the parents’ selfishness, dominance and disownment define the relationships with their children and their own characters. They nearly destroy their children, and make reconciliation impossible. Both Tita and David eventually triumph over their parent-born adversities, but only after parental ties are broken asunder.

I’m certainly not saying that one should get parenting tips from movies: Like Water is a work of fiction, and Shine, though is based on actual persons, doesn’t give the full picture of David and Peter’s relationship. And I’m not a parent myself. But I think that there are lessons in those two films, like cautionary tales. From time to time, a parent must step back and exam what s/he is doing to raise their children. Sometimes, what is thought to be the right thing, or even “tough love,” is really a cover for meeting the needs or desires of the parent, instead of effective rearing of the children.If the parent is astute, and humble, change can be made that would benefit both parent and child, especially in strengthening the bond that Tita and David had to break in order to find happiness.

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The novel of Like Water for Chocolate contains several scrumptious, exotic recipes interwoven with the story. The recipes are presented here in their entirety.

Biographies of David Helfgott are available at CCLS and through PINES.